My Number One Son

First of all, I would like to apologize to AJ1 for not posting this sooner.  I posted for your brothers before their birthdays and I hope that you will understand that this week has been extraordinary (as in extraordinarily hard).

I was totally unprepared for all of us to get very, very sick and have to stay home the entire week and pretty much forgo food (including cake).  You told us unprompted that you had a good birthday and I pray that it's true.  Ironically, this is the closest we have ever lived to the beach and the first time we didn't celebrate your birthday there.  The next nice day that we have I plan to take you to wade in the surf and play in the sand as you love so much to do!

Since your birth we have lived in five different houses in two states and two countries.  You have adjusted each time without a hitch.  Your Daddy has worked so hard for our family during your first years of life and I have depended on you to help keep my sanity at home.  I am proud to say that you have risen to the occasion!  I know I couldn't have done it without you.

You are my little clone.  Sure, I see your daddy in you every now and then but the truth is, I see photos of you that could be me and me that could be you.  I find myself in your body language and pray that you will end up being far more coordinated than I.

You are also my clone in attitude, speech and demeanor.  It amazes me that each time I think, "Where did he come up with that one?", nine times out of ten it's directly from the way I have acted, said something, responded to you (the other one time out of ten it's from Thomas the Tank Engine in case you were wondering)!

You call your grandparents by the funniest names!  Your father's parents are called their first names and my grandparents are called Grandma and Junie!  I hope you always do this as I find it endearing and cute!!  You call your cousin either "cousin" or Elvin.  I cannot wait to find out what you decide on for Aunt S' soon to be born baby.

You are the best big brother.  As soon as you became a brother you wanted everyone to know.  At twenty months you would introduce AJ2 to anyone around and then you did it again when AJ3 came along!

You build tracks, race trains and teach your brothers every step of the way.  I will never forget when you were just a toddler and you would wake and sit with me each time AJ2 woke to nurse over-night.  Then there was the time that at not quite three we caught you carrying your very newborn brother down the hall like an expert!  I thought Mamaw was going to have a coronary!!

You are a natural leader and have taken that role in each activity you participate in.  Currently, at Play Centre they joke that it's because you sound like you are straight off the TV (difference in accent) but I know you have naturally gravitated toward this since, well, forever.  Being a leader can be rewarding but also very hard, although I dread the difficult times, I know you are strong and can handle them.

You have the ability to decide what you want and the patience and determination to see it happen.  I find this a frustrating trait that we share as I am sure you do as well.  We lock horns and dig in our heels and I fear each time that you are learning to negotiate too quickly for me to keep up.  I learned these same tools from my Papaw Jay and can remember watching him and cataloguing the tricks of his trade.  I wish you had the opportunity to know him, the two of you would have gotten on like gangbusters!

Soon, I will not be able to keep you with me all the time, away from much of the rest of the world and I am dreading when that time comes.  There is so much of the world that I want to show you but also a huge part of it that I want to keep from you and I know I cannot.  I pray that I am giving you the tools to cope with those pieces of humanity and nature.  I also pray that you stay safe, healthy and close to your brothers, your father and me.

Happy, happy birthday my dear, sweet boy.