I Almost Didn't Blog About This...

So, I almost kept this to myself but let's face it, I'm not too good at keeping things to myself so here goes...

We had the nuchal scan performed on Friday.  We don't normally have nuchal testing done and although I broke down and agreed to this one I still refused the blood test.  Therefore, everything I tell you will soley be based on my one little ultra sound.

I have said before that I think that this is our last baby but here's the thing, I then see the baby, and later I can touch and hold the baby (and I am no longer pregnant) and all I can think is, I WANT MORE!!  It's almost like a baby addiction!!  Well, I got to see AJ4 at this scan (obviously!) and 4 was so stinking sweet.

We had to wake 4 up to get some cooperation and it was so wonderful to see the baby with the little arms and legs all crossed up and the big ole head tucked down - I think the fetal position is so, adorbs!!

We received ALL good news on Friday which was great since AS SOON AS I GOT ON THE TABLE I WAS REGRETTING THE FACT THAT I HAD AGREED TO THIS!  I just don't care if the baby has a risk for anything (and JJ doesn't either), this is our BABY, we are going to keep 4 and love 4 no matter what, for as long as we can, but here I was and I felt like it was too late to turn back.  I said a quick prayer, took a deep breath and balled like a baby as soon as my littlest one came up on the screen!

First things first, the placenta is safely behind the baby this time.  AJ3's placenta was under him causing all kinds of thoughts about placenta previa, so happy AJ4 has been positioned so well.  In addition, it explains why I have been feeling 4 move quite a bit since early week 10!

Next, AJ4 has ten fingers, ten toes, a nasal bone, kidneys are working, heart looks good and is swallowing.  So far, the brain looks good.  Good news.

When we walked in to the appointment, based soley on my age, our risk of the top three chromosonal abnormalities were 3 times what they were when we walked out!  This was so reassuring!!

I also understand that the 1:724 still represents the 1 and that is all it takes.  I am okay with that (really, what choice do I have).  I have been granted a blessing to carry this baby each day.

So, here is the real part that I felt so funny about, the video.  I wasn't sure if I wanted to show y'all my innards.  I mean you get to see my ovary and my cervix.  These are normally things that I keep between me, the OB and the five trillion other people in the room when you have a baby!

A side note, I will never in my entire life forget the dude that was on the NICU team that knocked the paper towel dispenser off the wall while AJ2 was being delivered.  If I had the opportunity, even two + years later, I would punch him in the nose.  He thought himself hysterical right when my baby was born without breathe.  It all turned out okay in the end but seriously poor bedside manner dude!  Okay, enough of my pregnant rage -- Sorry!

Now, if you happen to be associated with radiology in anyway and would like to tell me if you can tell if 4 is a male or female -- PLEASE DO!  I don't do surprises (and we will try to look again in 6-8 weeks) and I am dying to know!  Yes, I know it is early but seriously, if you know or think you know, let me in on it!

It Could Help

Once, when I was an adolescent  I went shopping with Mamaw (okay, you could probably amend this to once a day when I was an adolescent, but I want to tell you about this one time).  We went to some "big city" mall.  It may have been Fort Wayne, Indiana, it may have been some place in Indianapolis but I can't place it (and that says something about the strength of this memory as I can map out almost any mall in the world that I have visited and can even adapt to renovation quickly because I have such a feel for the footprint -- I know that is somewhat sick).  I don't remember what I was wearing (I almost always remember what I was wearing).  I don't remember what we were shopping for.  Here is what I remember...

We were in the food court, we loved to eat in food courts.  We went to wash our hands before we ate (this was pre-hand sanitizer days).  There was a young woman crying her eyes out back by the payphones (again, I date myself).  Mamaw took note, took me, got my food, stationed me at a table where you could see the payphones and headed back.  I was too young (in my family) to be left alone in the city (so I was probably like 13!) but Mamaw could see me and she left me there.

Next I can't tell you specifics but just general impressions of what happened.  Mamaw went back to the young woman, talked to her by the payphones for several minutes and finally talked her into getting a Coke and sitting at the opposite end of the long table where she had left me.  I was annoyed.  I was embarrassed.  I couldn't believe that Mamaw was paying attention to someone else on my shopping trip!

Mamaw sat there for probably an hour.  She coaxed the girl into having something to eat and they talked.  And they talked.  And they talked.    I probably acted rudely and bored.

When we left the young woman who had seemed so devastated, was smiling.  Not just smiling with her mouth but with her eyes.  She didn't look upset at all any longer.  Mamaw had given her peace, at least for the moment.

Mamaw isn't a counselor   She doesn't volunteer with any hotlines or programs for troubled Americans of any age, race, religion.  Those things aren't her calling.  She's a good family woman with a knack for excellent customer service

Why did you just read this story?

Well, I can't tell you that but I can tell you I wrote it because I think America is sick.

I don't think it has so much to do with the media or gun control or any of the answers I have seen floating around the last few days.  American media is actually pretty tame in my view and I don't choose to own guns but I have very conflicted feelings about putting too many limits on others' right to own them.

I think that the problem is in how we treat one another.

I think it is our ability to walk by someone on the street who is hungry, who is weary, who is distraught, who is lost, who is broken and pass them by.  I hear people say things like, get a job, why didn't that gunman just off himself, get a life, get it together, loser, drain on society, the government isn't your baby-daddy, you should be drug tested if you want food stamps, etc, etc, etc.

When was the last time that you put yourself out there?  When did you put yourself into a situation that you maybe weren't comfortable with, weren't being paid for but you felt compelled by your soul, by your God, by your own little Jiminy Cricket to go out of your way to help someone in need in just that moment?

I'm not saying I do this.  I know people who do.  It's not just a myth.

I just have this overwhelming feeling that if we all stopped, looked around us and helped out the people that we see it could help.  Help them up, help them grow, point them in the direction of help, let them know that someone cares and if all else fails, point the correct authority to them and point out the fact that they need help we could be living in a better place.

Would it solve all the world's ails?  I have no idea.  Wouldn't it be nice though to know that the next time that you fall, or feel over-whelmed or feel lonely or heartbroken without anywhere to turn all you would have to do is turn to the next person to walk by because they would not only be willing to listen but would have their eyes open and they would see that you needed them?

I think it could help.

Last Call

A few weeks ago we confirmed, to what feels like the entire world, that yes, we are expecting AJ4.  We confirmed a little earlier than we had planned and truth be told, I still haven't called my mother to tell her (I know, that is horrible but I am SURE that my sisters have shared and we don't talk all that often and, and, and).  I apparently don't model the relationship with my mother that I want my children to have with me (I think I'll call her tomorrow, now that I think of it that way!).

I was totally stunned (yes, I know how babies are made ;) that we were expecting again, JJ on the other hand, was not in denial about the way I had been acting (pregnancy makes me pretty nutso!) for the couple weeks that the handy New Zealand 'early response' tests came back negative. I usually "KNOW" I am pregnant pretty much immediately (like 48 hours later I am feeling insane and KNOW) but this time I wasn't really ready to accept it.  You see, to paraphrase a nutcase small business owner (Don) from my childhood (I haven't lived in Indiana for so long now I had to check to see if he was still around, read some of his story here, it is actually pretty interesting!), I don't like being pregnant, I just looooove babies!!

I think this is the last baby I will be having.  I always say I know I want more in the delivery room, as soon as the baby is born (and my body magically adjusts back to it's normal level of insanity :).  I honestly believe that JJ would let me have a baby a year as long as it was healthy and safe for me to do so (for the record, JJ has never actually told me no or even really discouraged anything that I really wanted in the last 17 years, it's one of the ways he is the absolute, best husband in the world).

It appears that we will be in New Zealand for a second year (although our visa's will expire in six months and I don't believe JJ has a contract, yet).  There always seems to be a certain level of uncertainty in these things until the lastish minute.  Soo, AJ4 should be a kiwi.

What a whole new world this shall be!

They have babies with midwives here.  I am totally open to this for other people (I really mean that) but I have had three easy, peasy pregnancies followed by three long, intense, complicated births.

AJ3 was the first baby to be born breathing -- We cried and said "He's breathing!" and poundman the OB looked at us like we had lost it!  Please don't let me fool you though, AJ3 was not an easy birth, he was born occiput posterior (he was a sunny-side up baby).  AJ1 took in meconium -- not the 10/10 on the Apgar I was hoping for :).  I've written here before about AJ2's birthday.  At some point during each of my deliveries, I have had an OB in my face yelling that they were taking me in for an emergency Cesarean.  It hasn't happened yet but I am not one to temp fate.

In addition to all that, I'll be 35 when 4 comes.  In the states that's high risk (here it's 38).  This will be my fourth baby in five and a half years (my fave OB wanted me to wait at lease three years this time).  Blah, blah, blah...my GP still wouldn't recommend me to public OB services, she thought I should still go midwife.  We decided to go private.

Over the last month it has become apparent that it may be essential that I see an OB.  I started having "episodes" a few weeks ago.  I called JJ and calmly told him, I couldn't see well.  I stopped working for a few hours and put my feet up but suddenly my ears were ringing and my head was pounding.  I hoped it was a one off but it's happened a few times since.  Last week, I had to go to the GP (who is still my preggo caregiver until the first of the year when I meet the magic threshold of being pregnant enough to warrant some form of specialized care) because I was sick with a virus and my BP 180/90 (I wasn't taxed or stressed or anything).  So far, no protein found (thank God).  I just want my usual pregnant blood pressure of 100/50 to kick in again BUUUT in the meantime, I am trying really hard to address whatever is up.  It looks like specialized care will be a must this time around and probably a little more of a watchful eye at that.

I have another protein test that goes in the morning (Sunday mid-day in the states) so say a quick prayer for me and 4 (not to mention 1, 2 & 3 and JJ who would totally be impacted if I am thrown into hospital -- which the GP has told me is exactly what will happen the minute they find protein).  I have full confidence that we will get through this and be just fine but I think that from this point forward it's time to concentrate on the babies I already have and are growing up too, too fast and on a healthy mamma so that I may be there with my four (who on earth or in heaven thought I could take care of this many babies) through all the stages of life (as a side note, if the AJs wait as long as we did to have babies, I will be almost the current retirement age before I'm a grandmamma!).

I am betting there is much, much more to share as this pregnancy progresses, it might not be interesting but I'll probably throw it out there for y'all to decide!

Happy Hanukkah!!

Overdrive

Life has been in overdrive for our family lately. I feel a bit like a spinning plate juggler where if I let any one part of my life slow down things will start crashing and I need to slow down very, very soon!  Now that we (and the rest of the world) know that AJ4 is on the way it makes sense that I am so completely exhausted but the fact that time seems to move more quickly in Auckland than anywhere I have ever been before still does not make sense to me.

We have some big things going on.  First, we are still trying to find a new place to rent.  We have to give up possession of our house in less than eight weeks now and I find myself waking up in the middle of the night thinking about where we will end up.  I want to find the right place but I think in the next week or so I am going to have to re-assess my parameters for a rental.  Please pray we find the perfect place and can settle in for the remainder of our time here.

Next the AJs are growing up so, so fast!  They are growing and developing in ways I never imagined.  AJ1 will answer a question with "Yes, mamma, of course!"  these days and AJ2 is talking up a storm (finally!).  AJ3 has developed from baby to mamma's big boy who still wants to be mamma's baby.  How is it possible to be the third child but still believe you are the ONLY child!  He is also talking up a storm -- catching his brothers quickly!  

AJ1 has requested that AJ4 be another AJ2 (can you follow that?) -- I love AJ2 but being his mamma has more challenging moments so I am hoping AJ4 is well, AJ4 whatever that is!.  AJ2 is pretty emphatic that he is not interested in having AJ4 at all!  The fact of the matter is though that 1 &2 have been down this road before and at younger ages than what AJ3 will have to face it.  22 and a half months will be the MOST time we have had between babies thus far!

The seasons are supposed to be opposite here but I have to say that most of the time I have spent in New Zealand thus far has been rainy and/or cold :).  I'm not complaining, it is beautiful here.  When the sun shines it is absolutely, amazingly stunning but I am hoping summer turns out to be a real "season" and not just a few nice days as I keep hearing it was last year.  

I could use some summer.  I know I won't get what I really want -- a nice hot Virginia/Indiana summer day by the Washington Park/Nassau pool followed by coming home to exhausted children and a nice crisply AIR CONDITIONED house where we can all veg out and watch American TV.  I have this to look forward to forever though and I won't be watching the sun set at Piha for the rest of my life so I'll take Piha now and miss it when I have central air again!

The lead up to Christmas feels quite different too.  I did some quick click shopping for family and friends at home and JJ and now only have the AJs to finish up (hoping to do so this weekend!).  We have the tree up but it just doesn't really feel like Christmas to me.  I think chances are good that I will not be wrapping a single thing this year (weird, right?).

We do have a babysitter that seems to be working really well.  She is younger than I would normally let my kids stay with (17) but a sister of a co-PlayCentre mum and the kids seem to LOVE her.  AJ1 calls her Auntie Linda (JJ keeps telling AJ1 that her name is not Linda and she is not his Aunt but AJ1 just smiles and says that's what  he calls her).  She seems to tolerate our insanity well (she knows where we keep the peanut butter and bread) and knows I have few rules as long as everyone is healthy, safe and appropriately respectful.  She has been a real lifesaver for me!

Finally, I am thinking of formally admitting that I cannot do it all and once we find a new place to live hiring someone to come in once a week and help out with the deeper cleaning.  I've upped my hours at work and am working 25-30 hours a week along with about 8 hours away for PlayCentre with the kids. This is of course in addition to everything else mamma and housewifesque.  I know that there are lots and lots of people that do so much more than I BUT for the rest of this pregnancy and the newborn portion of this baby I think it might be great to have someone come in once a week and take out the little boys smell around the toilets.  Now I just have to move and find the person life would be better -- we will see if I go through with it.  How many of my readers have help around the house (come on, make me feel better about this!)?

Merry Christmas from Parnell!

What We've Been Doing...

I probably heard one hundred times before moving to Auckland that I needed to put the boys in Kindy.  I think Kindy's, preschools, day care centers and the like are wonderful for some families but JJ and I made a series of choices for our family designed for me to stay at home with the children as much as possible for the intense years before school starts.

We waited for children.  We had our boys close together.  I work from home.

My HSN mammas and my "Friday Morning Mammas" are dear, dear friends who I miss and still run to for support and advice.  The bestie and I are in it together even if we're all the way around the world from one another buuuuut being so far away also leaves a void that the boys and I missed here!    A kiwi friend introduced us to her PlayCentre and we have been filling our void little by little.

PlayCentre is a New Zealand institution with almost 500 centres on the north and south islands.  The way that I understand is  that they are government funded cooperatives for early childhood development (birth to age six).  This means that the boys and I attend together with other parents and children who then all work together to educate our littles. 

PlayCentre has a really cool history dating back to the Second World War and you can read all about it here.  It can be intense, it is very involved (this ain't no mimosa play group) and its always messy!  We have lots of education, lots of purpose and total commitment to family!  

It's been amazing for us as a family.  We attend twice a week and are usually there for about four hours each time.  We meet, set up for session, hold session, the adults take a few minutes to reflect on what they saw the children doing/learning, then clean up and put things back before leaving.

We've made some friends.  We've learned heaps about ourselves, about others, about New Zealand and JJ and I are (hopefully) been learning to be better parents (something I hope we are never done learning)!  Most of all, the AJs seem to be happy!